you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
