There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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