peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i dont even know how to be here
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
