Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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