shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
