Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This is not my ceiling
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
