When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
