i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
please don't ironically join a cult
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