You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
