I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
