he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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