I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
