Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
