Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
