so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
