How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
