Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
