I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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