check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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