well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize