He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
porn star boner night. come get it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
