You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
