Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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