White coat. Heels.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
