My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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