you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
