I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
