turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
