It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
