mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize