did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
