Pappa wants mamma naked
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
