The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
