i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize