if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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