Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
