I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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