the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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