You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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