I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
