well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
