who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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