I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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