I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
