Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
