i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
