she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize