**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
