i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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