I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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