i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
