Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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