I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
