Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize