you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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