haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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