So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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