I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
id be glad to
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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