Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
