how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
