so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
