i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
