sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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