Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
