Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
