everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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