we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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