If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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