i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need a burrito and a hug.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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