no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
