I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
