I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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