Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
