If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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