Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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