yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
