Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
