i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you win again, gameday.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
