My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
