You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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