she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Found your dick twin last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
