508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize