I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
