I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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