I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
