Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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