so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
