Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
