Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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